Let’s Make a Million Life Changes All At Once! July 3, 2015

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged.  Tony and I got married last year and celebrated our 1st anniversary this past April.  We also welcomed a bouncing baby boy in June to join our terrible two daughter.  Life has been good…and chaotic…and good.

After 4 years and 10 months of working at the company I was with, the decision was made to lay me off due to lack of work to go around.  I was essentially 9 months pregnant at the time.  Moments after I was notified (It was on a Monday morning), I was left confused and angry.  As the day progressed, I decided it took too much energy to be bitter, angry and worried.  My husband, however, was pissed.  Honestly, everyone (business related and personal) I talked to had the same reaction, just plain livid.  They were also impressed at how gracefully I was taking it.  I think people expected me to lash out and act the angry black woman part.  Most people would have but honestly, I couldn’t.  One, I was too pregnant to risk my son’s health and two, they just weren’t worth it.  I grew tired of telling the story over and over again and was glad when my last day came.

I spent the next month at home enjoying my daughter and preparing for my son’s arrival.  It was honestly what I needed.  A break from the foolishness of work.  While not thinking about new work, an opportunity for a video interview came along to which I couldn’t say no.  I interviewed on a Tuesday and welcomed my son on the following Thursday by scheduled C-section.  Two weeks later, they offered me a job with a delayed start date so that I could enjoy my children for a while.  Great news.

We also have a buyer lined up for our townhome that wasn’t even on the market.  We were planning to move because we were out of room but not until the fall sometime.  Things have sped up quite a bit.  We’re planning to move before Labor Day.  To Virginia.  Where we have a support system for our kids.  There will be date nights once more!

On top of all of this, I am working on my Masters.  I am a lunatic.

We’re making quite a few life changes all at once but it’s all worth it.

Goodbye Atlanta!  We will definitely miss you!

Time For A Wedding March 26, 2014

It was Keish who suggested we go to the Chapel at Luxor and get married as we were on the escalator heading to the food court to burn some time before we left. Tony had proposed the night before. We weren’t with the idea of eloping. A wedding without our moms, dads, siblings? Nah. I said, “We’re getting married at church.” Now it’s 8 months later and here we are going to get married at the Chapel at Luxor in one month. (Trust me, she reminds me of this frequently.)

We were all set to get married in Atlanta but the truth of the matter is…it was too damn expensive! We had a guest list of 100 people and the tab was adding up QUICKLY! I chose bridesmaids and after having some disagreements about dress selection I was done. The day I was going to go take our $500.00 deposit to the Courtyard Marriott to reserve the spaces for the cocktail hour and reception, I asked Tony a question. “Is this really what you want to do?” He looked at me and said no, let’s go to Vegas. Full circle, right? Indeed.

We decided in the end to not have a bridal party. I’ve heard too many horror stories of bridesmaids anyway, so just me, him and our daughter. Just our little family…us.

But if you were interested, this was the dress we all collectively decided on.
 

So, we researched A LOT of Vegas hotel chapels online attempting to find the best value for our dollars.  Luxor was it.  Everything was planned for us!  Done!  Then we had to figure out our dining option.  We knew we didn’t want to have a full blown reception.  That would be pointless when we could have done that at home.  We finally decided on an early ceremony and lunch in lieu of a late ceremony and dinner.  We had trouble with restaurant venues though because we had to pick somewhere close to the hotel as a majority of guests wouldn’t be renting a vehicle.  So we couldn’t pick a place off the strip, we couldn’t pick a restaurant in the Stratosphere hotel (Beginning of the Strip), blah, blah, blah.  We finally were able to find a place in the neighboring Excalibur hotel.  We chose the menu (Tony seems to have forgotten this and is now questioning the selection) and signed the contract.

Keish and Dee came into town in November and went dress shopping with me.  I had already tried on THE dress a week before (not really intentionally) but still wanted them to come to see other options.  So we grabbed my cousin (studying at Clark-Atlanta currently) and went to Anya Bridal.  We were not impressed by the way we were treated.  We ended up having a seamstress, Lo, help us and not an actual consultant.  I mean Lo was on it, but really?!  I came close to buying a dress there but decided to wait until I tried the David’s Bridal one on again.

Here is a glimpse of the dress from Anya.

We went to David’s Bridal where I tried on the dress again and fell in love with it all over again.  Done!  I swiped my credit card and then we went to eat at Gladys Knight’s where we attempted to talk my cousin out of not returning to CAU in the spring.  She returned so maybe we helped a little?

Time flies by and we finally order the invitations.  Constantly scolded by Keish for waiting so long to order them.  What if something’s wrong and they have to be reprinted?  You need to send them out 3 months in advance.  3 months in advance when we sent out save-the-dates?!  We went back and forth on this before agreeing to disagree.  Here’s a link to the guidelines on that:  http://www.destinationweddings.com/Community/Etiquette/Invitations.aspx

Which takes me to the RSVP process.  OH MY GOODNESS!  Listen, just say yes or no by the date we’ve asked you to!  We don’t need lengthy notes on why you can’t attend.  We don’t need you adding people that weren’t invited.  We shouldn’t have to text, call, tweet, FB you to ask if you are attending.  You received an invitation with a return envelope that had a stamp on it!  Mark yes or no and drop it in the mail.  This has been the most frustrating thing in the planning process.  We can’t plan if we don’t know you’re coming.  I say this…Don’t plan on eating if you haven’t RSVP’d.

We’re in countdown mode.  31 days until the big day.  We’re excited and ready!

Learning to Love Yourself January 6, 2014

It took me a while to figure out what to title this post because it’s really a mash-up of a few different things but I think this is the best summation.

Here we go…

Single women constantly post on social media the following things:

“Single and loving it!”  “I’m in NO rush to get into a relationship.”  “When the right man comes along, then…”

Is it really necessary to post things like this all of the time?  And must you post a selfie EVERY DAY?!  We KNOW what you look like!  I know there are times when we are feeling ourselves and we snap that picture but…EVERY DAMN DAY?!

It seems to me they are looking for some kind of affirmation from the cyber world that they are indeed good-looking and it’s nothing they are doing wrong to get that man.  (I mean who posts a picture on FB or IG hoping to get zero likes?)  I find the posts about being happily single to be annoying lies.  Am I saying you can’t be happy while single?  No!  Of course not!  I have been happy while single BUT I didn’t broadcast it!  When you broadcast it CONSTANTLY…that’s when things change.  You’re seeking everyone’s attention….and maybe trying to convince yourself that you’re ok without a mate.  The REAL issue is…do you love yourself?

Can you say you enjoy your own company?  Here’s a good gauge.  If you had to stay in the house without anyone else just for the weekend without social media…would you be happy?  I would LOVE this!  And no, it’s not because I have an almost 1 YO who keeps me busy.  I genuinely enjoy moments of solitude to reflect on all aspects of my life.  I love myself so much and being able to love myself has enabled me to love Tony and my little girl so much more than I could ever imagine.

I have a variety of friends.  Some single with kids…some single without kids.  Some married with kids…some married without kids.  Some workaholics (this use to be me)…some hard partiers.  And within these there are a few of them which have some serious self-love/self-esteem issues.  I have a BEAUTIFUL, single friend who blames her self-esteem issues on her father.  I have a GORGEOUS, single friend who just can’t trust men because her family told her nothing but lies.  When do we stop blaming others and really look in the mirror?

There is someone especially made for everyone.  They will come along at exactly the point when they are supposed to.  Divine intervention.  Until then…chill out.  Stop acting like you don’t care when you do.  The more you are publicizing that you are happy, the more we see you are not.  We also see you guys that are in relationships…pretending.

Photo Credit:  http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4172/10-Quotes-to-Remind-You-to-Love-Yourself.html

So Long 2013, You Were Great! December 31, 2013

Oh 2013, you were absolutely amazing to me!

Tony and I welcomed our beautiful daughter on January 11th.  Everything stopped at the moment she took her first breaths.  Beautiful.  Motherhood has been a ride like no other.  I never envisioned loving someone as much as I love her…my world.

Tony proposed in July while we were in Las Vegas celebrating my 30th born day!  A long time coming?  No, I think it was the perfect timing.  We’re returning to Vegas in April 2014 to seal the deal.  I can’t wait!  Love you baby!

Some of my friendships were solidified and some set sail.  It actually all worked out just as it should have.  God’s Plan.

I joined a wonderful church home and hopped right into the women’s choir.  I sang for my life!  I needed that right at that time.  Again, God’s Plan.

And I survived another year at work!  That’s always amazing!

So, Welcome 2014!  I am ready for all you have to bring!

Happy New Year Everyone!

 

Getting Over A Cold While Pregnant…Quick January 6, 2013

I used to believe fighting my sinuses was the worst thing that could happen. Well HELLO to the cold while pregnant!

Tony developed the cold on the Saturday before New Year’s. This really disturbed me because Tony NEVER gets sick. I was like great, the whole house is going to get the FLU! We didn’t get flu shots! Then on New Year’s Eve (Monday) as I was returning from running a few errands, I developed a dry cough with no other symptoms. It was very annoying. Meanwhile, Tony seemed to be getting worse. I made him a hot toddy and one for myself minus the alcohol. He also chugged back some Tylenol Cold Night Time. We had a great NYE…

The next day I felt tired, still had that dry cough and my throat was beginning to get raw from all of the coughing. What could I take? You aren’t able to take much of anything for fear of endangering your unborn child. I was afraid to take anything except Children’s Tylenol (which does nothing) and drink tea. So that’s what I did. Roll onto Wednesday and I just start feeling bad. The cough is now accompanied by mucus rattling around in my chest. Do I have pneumonia?!? (Don’t we get so paranoid?) Meanwhile, Tony has improved with the exception of a slight cough and sneeze here and there.

Thursday when we went in for our weekly check-up, the doctor told us that it was fine to take Sudafed, Robitussin, Tylenol, and cough drops. I immediately went home and tossed back some Tussin. I could barely hold a conversation without having a hacking fit. Sinus pressure had also reared its ugly head. I finally busted out the Vicks warm steam vaporizer with Kaz inhalant that night. (Why didn’t I do that sooner?) If you don’t have one, get one. I got mine years ago but they’re still about $15 at Wal-Mart.

Friday morning I wake up feeling quite awful and hacking all over the place. I go upstairs and rediscover my sinus waterpik (Waterpik SinuSense Pulsator). Another great invention I purchased a few years ago. Again, they’re around $20 at Wal-Mart. It’s basically a battery operated neti pot. Does wonders for clearing out those sinuses!

We also went to Wal-Mart to pick up some mentholatum. My cousin swears by this ointment. Slab it on the soles of your feet and put some socks on at bedtime…works wonders. I also rubbed some on my chest and some right around my nostrils.

I used the combination of the waterpik, mentholatum, vaporizer and some honey-lemon Halls cough drops and today (Sunday) I feel almost 100%. Nothing will replace taking Tylenol Cold Night Time but since I’m pregnant, these were the next best things to alleviate the cold symptoms. Everyone is different but I’d start with these if you’re suffering!

Jaay’s Thrilling Sweets November 12, 2011

As many of you know, I launched my e-bakery last year and have not been really pushing sales much.  This is due to a number of reasons but mainly because of my full-time job.  Jaay’s Thrilling Sweets (JTS) is my baby and one day I plan to chuck it all and to open up a storefront.  I am seriously looking for a financial backer.  If there’s any doubt, I encourage you just once to try one of my sweets.  You’ll fall in love instantly.  Check me out:  http://jaaysthrillingsweets.com 

Let’s Get Moving!

I’ve gotten into this terrible habit of not exercising and eating whatever.  This has to stop.  I am still paying money every month to Weight Watchers and haven’t been to a meeting since April.  I feel horrible.  Tony sent me a text last week saying that we need to go do Weight Watchers together.  He says Heavy D’s death has scared him.  Being fat scares me.  And now that my jeans are getting tight again I agree that it’s time to start the process up.  It’ll be hard because now we’re at the holidays again but the key word is CONTROL!

Recently, I have picked up a racquet and began playing tennis with Chatty Kathy.  We’re not really that good.  I’ve had some training…she hasn’t.  This has resulted in pink tennis balls being hit into the neighboring pool or the woods (tennis ball graveyard).  Once I can be more dedicated to playing I am sure the practice will be good activity.  My cousin really inspired me to start playing since she’s like a tennis pro now.  She had NEVER picked up a racquet and one day she did and has been playing ever since.  I went to see her play in a tournament in Atlanta and she was awesome!  I was too proud!  I was so inspired and I hope one day I can play opposite of her and not get totally beat down.  🙂

So here’s to a healthier diet and more exercise!  Let’s Get Moving!

Is Marriage Really Sacred Anymore? October 3, 2011

As young girls we have big aspirations of falling in love with the man of our dreams, putting on that white dress, buying a home, having children and living happily ever after together.  All in that order.  I have always wanted to get married and have 3 kids.  At 22, I was all about finding a career and wasn’t thinking about the white dress.  At 24, I wanted it but was still having fun.  Now at 28, I am a full-blown workaholic who owns a home and a fab sports car.  Now, I want the kids more than I want the marriage.  I’ve gotten mixed reactions from friends when I told them I’m thinking about having kids, willingly planned, before marriage.  My BFF and I are on the same page.  Others not so much.  Before you all get it twisted…I am in a serious relationship and we have discussed this.  I don’t plan to go get knocked up by some random dude off the street.  So I know the next question is…Why don’t I just get married to my boyfriend first?  Is that the defining factor?  My question is…Is Marriage Really Sacred Anymore?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, marriage is defined as the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law.  So in short, a man and a woman must sign legal documents and profess their commitment to one another in the presence of an official.  Ok…got it.  On that note, let me give you a peek into my run-ins with married men.

I work in the environmental business and the business is made up of a majority of men.  I travel to job sites often where I may have to stay for days, weeks, or months with a crew.  Normally, I am the only woman on that crew.  My coworkers who have worked with me for quite some time know that I am not to be tried.  I am a woman in a relationship and I do not get involved with coworkers.  This is not to say that I have not been propositioned by both single and married men.  The married men are who bother me the most.  It is blatant.  They wear their wedding bands and talk about their families to me and expect me to sleep with them as if I have no morals.  Since I am the successful woman in the “man’s world”, I must have slept with a higher up, I must be a slore.  LOL!  This is the number one reason I have a hard time with the thought of marriage.  Temptation is ridiculous and sadly there are more weak individuals than strong.  I know plenty of women who have children by married men who they aren’t married to.  We automatically want to blame the woman but what exactly did that man say to her to get close enough?  It’s amazing how a simple “Good Morning, Beautiful” can make the juices start flowing.  What about, “I’m in the process of getting a divorce” or “My wife and I have an open relationship” or “I just want to get to know you better as a friend”.  How about…you go get to know your wife better.

Do I want to get married?  Yeah, ultimately.  Will I wait to have kids until then?  Probably not.  Time waits for no woman and no woman should wait on a ring from a man to have a child if she is emotionally and financially ready.  Word of Advice:  Don’t get married if you’re not ready.  Don’t do it because you feel it is the right thing to do.  Do it because you’re ready to FULLY commit to someone.

Black History…Our History. February 1, 2011

Here we are beginning February 2011 and here we are reflecting on the history of African-Americans.  What a reflection it is.  There are so many African-Americans who have shaped, molded, and CHANGED this world into a better place for our race.  Many people have said we are to celebrate black history at all times, not just during the month of February alone.  True, but not remembered.  Without the paramount changes that our ancestors set into motion so long ago, things would be a lot different.

Without Mary McLeod Bethune’s $1.50 and determination, I wouldn’t hold a degree from Bethune-Cookman College, now University.  Without Martin Luther King, Jr. we may have never thought about proclaiming our dreams.  Without Chuck Berry, we may have never “duck walked”.  Without Althea Gibson and Arthur Ashe, tennis would be a sport we’d never attempt to play.  There are so many great African-American “firsts” which have allowed there to be seconds, thirds, hundreds, and thousands.  I am so proud to be a beautiful, intelligent, BLACK woman.  Things haven’t been the easiest but oh what a wonderful feeling it is to continuously prove all of the naysayers wrong.

If you’re looking for a good website for Black History information, then go to:  http://www.biography.com/blackhistory/index.jsp

Happy Black History Month!  Black is Beautiful!  🙂

Photogaphs courtsey of: http://blackmusic-spot.com/bmsradiochicago/2010/02/13/mary-mcleod-bethune-1875-1955/

http://www.shoppattypeckhonda.com/2011/01/11/martin-luther-king-jr-events/

http://www.mahoganygrove.com/entertainment/woman-of-color-as-american-icons/

I Like You. I Think…I Don’t. January 24, 2011

We often find ourselves in situations where we must be around people whom we don’t necessarily like.  In the instance of business, this is pretty much a daily circumstance.  The majority of us do not get to pick and choose with whom we work.  We accept a career opportunity for the money and benefits, not for the people.  How many of you have said, “I’m taking this $10/hour job because the people are so great!” ?  It’s more like, “I’m taking this $10/hour job because I can’t find anything else.”  The sad fact is money makes the world go around and the more underhanded you are makes it easier to advance.  I attempt to get along with everyone I work with because it just makes it a much easier, stress-free work environment.  But there are some people, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t get along with.  Number one reason is because ALL personalities DON’T mesh well.  Number two reason is because some people are just assholes.

What about personal instances?  Have you ever gone to an event or gathering where there are people there which you don’t like?  Do you put the bs to the side and be friendly?  Do you take a neutral stance and not cross paths with those people?  Do you be real and not hide your contempt at all?  Me?  I say hello and keep it moving.  I’m not going to be fake and carry on a conversation with you but I’m not going to be rude either.  For the sake of our common friend link I’m not going to be disrespectful and cause tension.  I know friends that have had people come into THEIR HOME and these people not open their mouth to even say hello.  Really?!  Shameful.  I wish a mf’er would do some ish like that in MY HOUSE!  On and poppin’!

Like it or not, we all have to deal with people we don’t necessarily like to be around.  Tis life.  It’s all about how you choose to deal with those people that gives you a better outlook on life.  You can’t be angry and uncomfortable all of the time.  Make the best of it because I’m sure those people aren’t losing ANY sleep.  Why should you?

Photo courtesy of http://www.ehow.com/how_4622389_buy-gift-frenemy.html